Checking in with myself

Hey Party People………..

Last week I talked about the Feldenkrais Method. I want to talk about it and body awareness in general. Basically it all comes down to checking in with my body. I have been back trying to analyse and see how I can prevent myself from overdoing it in general. This is very hard for me not to do and I would say it’s the same for all of you. I shall use my home study course and walking as an example. These are two of my goals to try and achieve on a regular basis (a few days a week). Often when I wake up not feeling good my will and my body jump straight into the boxing ring and have it out. My will is very strong and often wins unless I’m in major crash mode. This is something I’m learning has to change.

If I don’t start listening to my body more perhaps I may ruin my chances of reaching better health. My therapist suggested to me that I need to start being more kind and loving and caring to my body. So, first thing in the morning I have to pause and check in with my body: How am I feeling today? ( I don’t say this out loud, but feel free to do so if you wish) Is my body trying to tell me something? And the biggy: Is my body up for doing what I had planned? This is the part that seems to go against my character, the stubborn me with a lot of will. I often override my body's needs as I am determined to get something done. Acceptance is what is required here if the body is saying ‘I ain’t up for doing anything. I needs me some rest’. This is easier said than done, but I will be practising this until it comes naturally to me. Its good to check in with the body throughout the day.

Another area where I need to listen to my body’s needs is that of going out and about. In this area I’ve been told I need to become quite rootless. You see, my natural tendency is to put others feeling before my own. Some examples: when my sister asks me to baby-sit for a couple of hours etc, I often feel obliged as she will possibly be left stuck. I know she only asks me when she's desperate. A perfect example was last Saturday night. It was my brother’s engagement party. I struggled with this all week as I knew I wasn’t feeling so good, however, I wanted to show my support. There were lots of people going whom I hadn’t seen in ages and it would have been great to see them. In general it was going to be a great and fun night. So, the fact that my sister and her husband and my partner were going made me feel better about not going as there was family there to show support. But then my sister and her husband had to cancel and my partner wasn’t going on his own. This was the BIG test for me: I felt really bad that there was going to be no family there and started to feel that I should push myself to go. In the end I would have got top marks as I listened to my body and didn’t go. I’m hoping this is the beginning of me getting stronger in this area of saying no. It’s funny there always seems to be a pretty good reason to feel obliged to go to things.

Now back to the psychical. I went to a Feldenkrais workshop last Saturday! It was three hours, but I arranged to only go for an hour. I REALLY enjoyed it. It was perfect for my needs and limitations. It was all very gentle and slow movements. We were just lying on the ground all of the time and turning to the sides doing slow movements with the arms and hips. All the work was on the spine. I have a lot of issues with my spine and hips so this was great for me. It was so relaxing. A major problem I’ve been having the last couple of months is painful muscle spasms on my left side, especially the back of my neck, upper spine and all to the left back around the whole shoulder and arm. It runs also down my leg, but the leg isn’t as bad. I have doing these new Feldenkrais movements at home each day and they REALLY help with this uptightness and spasms.

Another kind of body scanning: I've been trying to be aware of how I hold myself and my posture in general. The things that I’ve noticed are that I seem to hold my upper body and head in a tense manner. Some of this is probably neurological and causing the spasms. For weeks now my body seems to be stuck in an overexcited way. Like overexcited nerves or something. However, I think paying attention to this and consciously relaxing myself throughout the day should help. I have also noticed that I hold my breath a lot when I’m concentrating on a task. I also seem to hold myself in a tense way when doing a task. I slouch my shoulders forward a lot too. I’m sure this is because of the chronic fatigue, as it takes energy to hold oneself up straight, right?

Finally with my creative writing I am doing exercises throughout the day for description, where I have to stop and be aware of my surroundings and my senses. I’ve also been meditating in the mornings when I’m well. So there is lots of work going on with me and my awareness. It’s all good people, it’s all good.

Over and out for now!

I hope you’re all well…

Treya : )